Starting a new life

What happened between us had made me so miserable for the past few weeks.Well,its over now.I'm done playing the stalker.I blew everything and I'm tired of all this bullcrap.Well,I've stopped contacting her and I'm gonna start setting up my own standards from this day onwards...

Well,from this day onwards.I'm gonna start doing the right thing.

It comes to this...

Right now...I am regretting of all the idiotic things I've been doing and how childish am I of doing it.What I'm saying is that these weeks had somehow opened my eyes.

The love triangle I talked about few days ago...somehow seems like its overwhelming me.I'm not being myself...So right now,I thought of dropping it and try to forget about being a third party.I'm tired of all this shit and it seems and it has been worrying me these few days.So right now,I guess...I would not focus too much in this thing..I stopped smsing her regularly and even forcing myself to communicate with her..It seems I'm being too desperate and I'm revealing my weaknesses.Maybe we could just become friends or.....Well,I'm confused..

Well life goes on.....I shouldn't even be dreaming about women at this time as they would only bring me down like this song says..

Quitting Online games

Why?Well its like this.These few days I really thought hard.I have been playing online games ever since I was Grade 6 till now and suddenly the thought of quitting it came up to my mind.Am I gonna leave the virtual world and get into the real world?Playing online games really takes a lot of time as you tend to play a lot to improve yourself.For an example,MMORPG's.You train super hard just to get a good level or some equipments or whatever you think will benefit your character but then...was it all really worth it in the end??

Yeah...I'm saying that was all those time you spent on it really doing you any good?Well maybe you can learn a thing or two from it.Well,to be honest...I learned the way to do business and helping me to make right decisions but then,I could learn them somehow as I progress through life...ONLINE GAMES ARE JUST FOR FUN AND SHOULD BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY UNLESS YOUR SOME REAL HARDCORE GAMER WHO HAS NOTHING ELSE BETTER TO DO

Well,I'm not trying to say that online games are bad but they take lots of time from us...Maybe because I'm not good at my time management as I tend to go overboard sometimes or maybe I'm too confused...

Nuff of that,I'm qutting online games for now because I see no purpose in continuing it...

A Love Triangle???Interesting...(Warning:Vulgarities to the max)

So...now,I got a few problems.Turns out that the girl I'm interested in has a few secret admirers as well....SO NOW!!The fight between me and a few more form 5 to get her begins...

How do I know this??Simple...My friends told me that the Form 5 gang are getting aggressive and they are aiming her...yes...the gangster ones.SO RITE NOW,I'm not gonna let those fuckers get in my way.Am I a pussy?If I let go of this one,will I be able to fight with others next time when I'm in college which is ultra serious??

OF COURSE NOT!!!I TOLD MYSELF,IF I FUCKING SCREW THIS UP,WHAT MAKES ME THINK I WILL DO BETTER IN THE FUTURE??

Preperation for the future begins RIGHT FUCKIN NOW.So a love triangle yes?,A BIG FUCKING LOVE TRIANGLE!?Holy shit...this is getting interesting.So right now,my mission is simple...time to hold those balls together and go all out to get her before those fucking perverts get her hands on her..

So now...the fight begins,if I lose it...I would accept it as a man and forget bout her...but if I win it...well...obviously you know the answer.

So the game is simple..I shall test whether she likes me a not by playing with her feelings(yes...I noe its harsh but what to do,I have to do it).After that,talk to her often and lastly....ask her for an outing and from there onwards....it will be more secured but those Form 5 will have a few tricks up their sleeves...

Well,guys...wish me luck.I know it might be too early now but I told myself,"I'm such a pussy,will I ever manage to make it in the future if I don't train myself now??".

Yes...yes..I know,concentrate on studies,I'm working on it okay?

Well...that settles it,from today I will change myself and give up full-time gaming which serves me no purposes...

What I think matters me the most

Recently,I've been going through lots of stress lately worrying for the unknown and me trying to form a relationship.Then,I thought."I've been doing things just to impress someone but was it all worth it in the end?".Sure,sometimes we tend not to think of the consequences and then,one day the problem strikes and we regret it.

What,I'm trying to say is that.The things we do in Life should have its purposes.Not waste time doing the things that would not benefit us in the future.

Always ask yourself this.."Is what I'm doing really helping me or others?After all that trouble,is it all worth it in the end??".

WE HAVE TO BE WISE IN OUR DECISSIONS AND NOT CHASE THE WIND.

Insecurity , Jealously and Heartaches

So this few days,I have been experiencing this fuckup problems.

Insecurity!!??How the hell this shit is corrupting me.I often feel left out nowadays,thinking too much that everyone dislike me or nobody thinks I'm worth talking to.Ohhh...the pain I felt.For an example,the girl I liked

Oh yeah...I managed to get her HP last Monday.Mastering all my courage,I took a deep breath and went up to her asking her for it and surprisingly,she gave it to me without even asking why.

Well,enough of this bullshit.So I sms her just yesterday and she taking a few hours to reply me...I felt unsecured and all the thoughts flew through my brain."Why isn't she replying me??Does she really like me or am I going crazy??".How I felt at that time was terrible but when I received her reply..Holy shit,my heart was so lighten and all my worries were gone but I smsed her again and she took a few more hours to reply...thats where the feeling strikes again.

I don't know how long this shit is gonna take but I really pray hard that this thing will leave me alone..

Next,jealously...Another problem,I've been having for years.When I see my friends getting surrounded with chicks and seeing them spammed on their Fb wall with comments and likes...The feeling starts creeping me telling,"How nice if I could be like him..".And so everyday I do meaningless things just to get attention but ALL THESE FOR WHAT PURPOSES??FOR FAME??I began to think properly...is what I'm doing now really worth it in the end?Sure,If I could be like him but all those time wasted on trying to be someone...And so,I have been trying to accept what I have and be grateful to what God has given unto me.

Well...the final,heartaches...currently trying to form a relationship with her seems so painful...getting to know her better makes me extremely nervous everytime I try to start a conversation...And when feeling rejected,I feel like I'm a loser...

ALL THESE PROBLEMS I'VE BEEN FACING!! People say I think too much or I'm not matured enough but I have my reasons for everything...Trying to perfect myself seems so difficult...

Well...thats all I guess...hopefully something in me will change one day

I'm Tired of wasting my time in this bullcrap

So,I've waited and waited for her to make the 1st move but I could see that she is rather shy to do it.This time I could see her showing hints that she is interested in me but she being the quiet type,I'm afraid I'm gonna lose it if I keep delaying.

And so,I have decided to ask her for her phone number face-face,no fucking love-note or whatsoever.Time to be a fucking man.I am also scared that I would get rejected but if I continue to wait for her,things might not go the way it does and I'm tired of wasting my time.So,I have decided to ask her for the phone number next week and I had to make sure I do it when she is alone or I might eventually embarass myself.

So,I have decided...All for nothing.Wish me luck guys and hopefully my balls don't drop.